What, exactly, is my purpose on this earth?
I hate to be asking such a deep, mind-wending question, but I can't seem to get past it right now. My life is at a crossroads. At times I'm a glibber, not worrying about a thing, telling myself that the only way to live is humorously.
Don't take anything too seriously. Live lightly. Be delectable.
At the same time, however, I exhort myself to not become chaff. I read articles — every day, it seems — about men who have overcome so much to become very successful members of society. As I move from paragraph to paragraph — which detail the drug-induced siblings and friends shot to death — I always tell myself that with my facile upbringing, I'm not going to be a nobody.
I'm going to do big things with my life, with my amazing opportunity in this world...
This thinking process usually lasts about a day before I drift back into my indolent mode, which isn't to say that I'm a lazy person — just a comfortable person.
It's hard to overcome, too. Sometimes I wish I didn't have such an easy upbringing. Sometimes I wish I had had to overcome a large obstacle as a child, like a divorce, or a tragedy.
Just something to push me forward. To make my life more urgent now.
Then again, maybe I'm simply still transitioning to post-college life. To not having my fall planned out. At times it's scary, but at time's it's nice as well.
No papers. No tests. While I yearn for school again, I'm sure that if I were back in the classroom, I might not feel the same way.
— 9/7/2007
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1 comment:
it's an odd sensation...a summer job coming to an end and not having anything planned for the fall.
i feel like i'm living in limbo. but i've kicked myself into re-applying for grad school, this time ready and wanting to go.
but before i do, i tihnk i'll go back to australia next summer.
hope things have picked up for you, buddy.
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